No, I am not going to my national convention this year…

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I am getting a slew of messages asking if I am going to “Hoopla”–Keep’s national convention. Short answer is NO.

Long answer is this…I have been to 14 national conventions for direct sales companies. I think in all but two of them, I have been recognized for being one of the top in the company (so I felt like I had an obligation to attend). In fact, TWICE (at two different companies) when I finished #1 in certain categories–I wasn’t planning on going. One required a call from the president of the company, explaining to me why I “had” to go, and the other was when I was asked to be a trainer too, and felt an obligation to go.

The truth is, these conventions cause me a lot of stress, and I do not enjoy them. Simply put, to me, it’s like prom for middle-aged women, with everyone posting their trial manicures a month ahead of time (I kid you not–makes my head explode), their dress options, what stiletto shoes they are thinking of wearing, etc. Well, when you don’t do your nails (because you do art that trashes them), you are lucky if you can find ONE dress that you don’t look like a blimp in, and shoes with heels higher than an inch makes your bunions throb…well, you feel like the toothless hillbilly at the Miss America pageant.

When I was with a previous company (NOT THE ONE I AM WITH NOW)…thousands of women would be in attendance, and during the awards portion, when women would be on the jumbotron in the arena, women in the audience would be making snotty, catty comments about their weight, clothing choices, etc. That made an impression on me, and instead of thinking about how cool it is to have worked my ass off and be on stage being rewarded for it, I was fixating on what would everyone be saying about me…if I didn’t have the perfect outfit, if I gained a lot of weight since they last saw me, etc.

In fact, in 2011, I had gained considerable weight since the previous convention, so two weeks before, I got my hair cut into what ended up being the haircut from hell. I thought if I hacked all my hair off, the catty women would gossip about that, and not how fat I got in the past year. In 2012, I knew I was going to be featured a LOT at the national convention, and I lost 65 pounds before so I wouldn’t be so self-conscious. It wasn’t healthy, and I didn’t keep it off, but it was one less thing to worry about being gossipped about.

I was talking to my sister this morning about the fact that I was actually HAPPY and proud of myself for sticking to my guns, and not being pressured into attending Hoopla. I said, “Remember all the times shopping for those damned dresses, and what an ordeal it was?” And she replied, “YES!!! We’d have to be looking for dresses with sleeves in the middle of summer, because you would never show your arms!” I laughed–I had forgotten that.

Another thing that always gave me panic attacks is feeling responsible for everyone on my team enjoying themselves and getting something out of the convention. On the average, I would say I spent at least $1500 to attend each year–I am assuming it costs everyone else that too (the attendance charge, airfare, hotel, outfits, etc.). When you are a leader, it costs even more with team gifts, team dinners, etc. I would feel like I had to make sure everyone was fired up, everyone was excited, and everyone was enjoying it. And frankly, I suck at being a cheerleader and a mom to dozens of women over the course of three to four days. I am too transparent to be able to be all cheery to the team back-stabber and the team drama queen and the team moper for several days. I take everything personally, and it’s just not a good mix when you have all that going on.

I realize that national conventions are GREAT for most attendees. I understand that it boosts business, after thousands are fired up. I think if you are in direct sales, you really DO need to attend them at some point.

All I am saying is *THIS* 50-year-old didn’t want to have to feel pressured to buy a bunch of outfits that I will never wear again, get a manicure on my stubby, broken nails, and put a perma-smile on my face for four days. I am wired a certain way that I always do my best, so attending a conference isn’t going to fire me up. I had no desire to squeeze into Spanx two sizes too small in the hopes that I didn’t look like an Oompah-Loompah, hobble around on stylish, uncomfortable heels, and pretend to enjoy doing a “conference dance.” I will miss seeing the new jewelry, learning some new things, and seeing friends from around the country who I only see at the incentive trips and convention. Frankly, I won’t miss the panic attacks I have every year over it.

I have to say, I debated putting this out there–and instead answer my messages with some phoney-baloney reason why I wasn’t going, but that’s not me. And honestly, I know there are other women who feel stressed about it, feel inadequate and upset that they aren’t part of the cliques, and feel like a beluga whale among flashy, colorful fish. I just want them all to know they are not alone. I finished #1 in FOUR different companies…and I felt that way every damned national convention. You are not alone. Next year, if I go, all the “beluga whales” are welcome to hang with me. In the meantime, this beluga whale will be hanging out in my pottery studio in my sweats, with a messy bun, surrounded by cats who don’t care how fat I am or what I am wearing, or asking for any words of wisdom. They don’t care…and this year, neither do I.

Best Business Tip I Can Give You For the Summer Months (Originally published May 13, 2014)

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Here’s a HUGE TIP, coming from 10+ years of experience….

DO NOT BOOK WEEKEND PARTIES IN THE SUMMER.

Now, let me be brutally honest–Your upline will disagree, and give you 127 reasons why I am wrong, and tell you not to listen to me. I have learned the hard way that a lot of the time, people who earn over-ride from your work don’t always give you honest, altruistic answers. Money and potential income changes honesty–or let’s be nicer– the perspective, of some people. To validate that I am always honest with my downline, regardless of how it affects me monetarily, I advised them all of this rule of mine this morning, after a slew of messages from gals upset that this weekend’s parties have already bailed/rescheduled on them.

It took me over 10 years to stick to my guns. With my former company, the conference year ended at the end of May, and with my competitive nature, the three months leading up to it were always non-stop parties. I would swear every year that I would cut back my schedule in the summer, and NOT NOT NOT do weekend parties.

And then, without fail, I’d be asked to do the parties on Saturday and Sunday. And I’d always explain that weekend parties in the summer months ALWAYS TANK. And the new hostess would explain that her mom/sister/best friend/sister-in-law/hairdressers best friend’s sister who ALWAYS BUYS A LOT lives over an hour away, can’t come during the week, and we HAVE to plan it around her schedule–because it’s NOT a party if that person isn’t there.

And you know what? The hostess is right. It’s NOT a party without that person–because that person, AND EVERYONE ELSE–does not show up, and you sit there with an unqualified party. You have the expenses of a hostess packet, invites, gas money and your time, and don’t have anything to show for it. More importantly, you have an embarrassed/upset hostess who says, “I am never having another party–no one shows up!”  Her party experience is now negative, and that is the last thing you want to happen.

Everyone THINKS that weekends will be great. People have off, they have all the time in the world to come over, drive from where ever….

NOPE– They have CAMPING…WEDDINGS…GRADUATIONS…GRADUATION PARTIES…FAMILY REUNIONS…. At least half the invited guests will have plans like this. And the other half will have yard work, or want to enjoy the 2-3 months of nice weather (if you are in my climate–the Midwest) and NOT want to sit in someone’s house buying your companies products.

Explain this to your person who is booking. Tell her that you sat with women last summer who were totally embarrassed when no one showed and they made all this food, etc. Tell them the BEST nights in the summer are Tuesday and Wednesday. When people come back from a long weekend, Monday night is their night to recoup, mentally and physically, at home.  Friday nights are bad if people leave for the weekend. And Thursday night, many times people are packing and getting ready to leave Friday morning.

TRUST ME ON THIS.

It took me TEN YEARS to finally stick to this. I’ll be honest, I am doing THREE–count them–THREE–weekend parties this summer. They are with past hostesses who have a reputation with me, who KNOW their guests and their schedules, and who I am willing to “try” a weekend party, so if no one shows up, they are personal friends of mine and I still get some girlfriend time with them. I warned them, told them they are the ONLY ONES I will book a weekend with, and they BETTER MAKE SURE PEOPLE SHOW UP!  Of course, we can’t say that to the average hostess, so that is why I only caved to good friends–because I can talk straight to them, and if it tanks, I know they will re-book on a weeknight to make good on it.

I have too many memories of missing many of my son’s baseball games, checking my texts as my husband would send me play-by-plays, and be secretly stewing in my head (smiling and gracious on the outside), while sitting with a hostess while she is wondering where everyone is, and why no one is showing up.

I remember one time, when I booked a Saturday party after telling the hostess over and over that no one will show up, and she argued with me that her family all lives over an hour away and they’d only come on a weekend, fighting back tears as my husband texted me that our son hit a triple to win some game in extra innings. I was so upset with myself that I didn’t stick to my guns, because once again, I was sitting with a hostess who was mortified no one showed, everyone RSVPed they were coming, but all cancelled in the last hour, and I missed something really cool that my son did–for nothing.

Newsflash–Many “yes” or ” maybe” RSVPs wait to see if it is nice out. If it’s nice, they will bail on you an hour ahead of time. Their husband won’t watch the kids, they were called into work, they forgot they had this picnic they had to go to, the dog puked on the carpeting, they have a hangnail…any of this sound familiar? I know.

I am not saying ALL weekend summer parties turn out this way. Truth be told, I have had some very good summer weekend parties (usually on Sunday). But they are not the norm–in my ten+ years of doing direct sales, and booking 20+ parties a month, the first parties to bail are the weekend parties. And traditionally, the worse attendance is also on the weekend.

Maybe it’s a regional thing–in the Midwest, we barely have 3 months of decent weather, so weekends starting with Memorial Day, ending with Labor day are prime real estate in everyone’s calendar. No offense to any of us, but coming to a home party is not high on the list when we have so many other activities crammed into those three months.

It took me TEN YEARS to concede this. As I always tell my gals on my team–learn from my mistakes, so you don’t have to go through them yourself. Be very discriminating on your weekend parties in the summer. Check the local calendar where your hostess lives. Last year, I had only two parties in a town called Lake Mills. Both were the same weekend. And both, ironically, ended up being the weekend of some big carnival they have in that town. BOTH rescheduled. Pay attention to graduations, festivals, etc.

It’s not only important to be mindful of this for hostesses, but as a newer advisor, if all your parties cancel/reschedule on you, you get discouraged and quit sooner, when the whole business might have been different had you booked Tuesdays and Wednesdays instead.

Again, this might not be everyone’s experience, but it’s mine…and I am sticking to my guns this summer. My kayak is calling my name!

Did You Start a Business, or Just Buy a Starter Kit? (Originally posted March 6, 2014)

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In January, most companies put their starter kits on sale. Everyone knows that January tends to not be a great month in direct sales–people are tapped out from spending money on Christmas gifts, and just don’t have the discretionary income to spend at parties.

For that reason, January is also a great month to recruit–people NEED money. They tend to over-spend during the holidays, those credit card bills came due, and they need money NOW to pay them. It’s a catch 22–they need to make money, but don’t have the money for starter kits. Hence January being “kit sale month” with most companies–who can resist a sale?

So, fast forward to March. Some people who “started their new direct selling business” in January have nothing more than a kit. They are not making money. And they still have the credit card bills, just now they have a little more debt with a starter kit added on.

Where is the disconnect? What happens from the “I am going to start a business, make some money, have some fun” to NOTHING happening?

Many of you who read this are leaders, and have struggled with this for years. It’s always been a big debate with me personally. In one of my former companies, it would be required, at times, and by zones, to make sure the new start had SIX PARTIES BOOKED, period, end of discussion, before ordering their starter kit.

I always had very vocal debates about that “requirement”. There is one lady who I admire greatly in that business who wouldn’t even let her own daughter sign up without her six parties on the books, and she has an amazing proven track record and it works for her. Five parties is NOT an option, it’s six, or you absolutely cannot join her team, period, end of discussion. I have always respected that she holds firm to that, no waffling, no matter what the circumstances are.

I, on the other hand, have never felt comfortable with that, for one big reason–I would not be doing direct sales today if that was required of me. My original game plan was that I was doing ONE PARTY AND QUITTING. I am not kidding. One and done. The only reason I signed up is because the lady who did my party kept bugging me to join, and at the end of the night, she said she’d pay for my starter kit, and I could do one party and quit if I wanted to, and she’d never call me again. In Joyce-land, all I heard was I was basically getting over $500 in jewelry, doing one party, and getting rid of the irritating jewelry lady because she would never be calling me again after I quit after doing my ONE PARTY.

Well, that ONE PARTY was a huge success, $1800 in sales, six bookings, and two recruits, so…I stuck with that company for almost ten years, and in my last year, ironically, finished #1 in recruiting.

So, I always felt if I required six parties, I would be a hypocrite, and I might miss out on the next “me”. I remember chatting one time with the lady who did require the six parties, and we were debating the merits of it, and I told her I would not have been able to join her team with her requirement, and would that have been worth losing out on someone like me? She said to me that she would have been able to convince me to get those six parties booked. I still smile thinking about that, because if anyone could have done so, it was her.

So, honestly, it’s been ten years, and I still vacillate on that. In January, I recruited 14 people into my new company. Have all 14 had their launch shows and become huge successes? NOPE. Does it really bother me? YEP. As a leader, do I sit and wonder what else can I possibly do to get them going? ALL THE TIME.

What I find surprising is the people who I LEAST expected to be successful, the gals who came across as the least confident, are the ones who are taking the business by storm. They are the newbies with not much direct selling experience at all. I like to analyze the heck out of everything (just ask my husband), so I wonder if there is some correlation there. Are the direct sales newbies more inclined to get on the web site, watch all the videos, read all the training materials, come to all the meetings, and ask all the questions because they don’t have any point of reference and are not jaded from any previous experiences? Do people who come from multiple other businesses come in with the “I got this” attitude, and it negatively affects their new business? Usually we look forward to those who come from other businesses–they have experience, and they have networks already somewhat established.

I constantly analyze how I am running my business, where I spend my time, and where to most efficiently use the limited time I have (I still do 20+ personal parties a month). Conventional wisdom tells you to spend your time with those who “make you the most money”. I have always bristled at that. First, personally I am a self-starter and HATED, I mean HATED getting calls from my upline micromanaging me. I did not need it, and never welcomed it. I have a group of self-starters who do very well, and probably don’t need or  want me to call them all the time and ask what they have lined up. Next, I have the group in the middle who are plugging away, working their business, and could use the encouragement, tips and interaction. I see them actively talking about their business on their Facebook pages, they interact on our team Facebook page, and come to meetings, but maybe just have not hit their full stride yet. I personally find that group the best to pour my time into.

And lastly, you always will have people who, once they get their kit, don’t interact much with you. All you can do is encourage them, encourage them some more, invite them to meetings, invite them to shadow you, reach out to them, and at some point, realize that they bought a kit. They maybe thought they were starting a business, and had every intention to start a business, but for whatever reason, ended up buying a kit. The toughest thing as a leader is to decide when it’s time to stop putting time and effort into those teammates. I always think, “If I reach out ONE MORE TIME…if I encourage them ONE MORE TIME, we can get something going.” It’s addicting, like playing the slot machines–you always want to stick one more quarter in and pull that lever one more time, and never feel comfortable when you make that decision to walk away. You always have that “WHAT IF” thought process going….

My husband, when I discuss this with him (he’s the director of sales and marketing for a 100 million dollar a year company, so he deals with these things as well, just on a different and larger scale) always tells me, “You can’t push a rope.” I know you can’t. But I also like to accomplish things that I am told CAN’T BE DONE. I think that is what makes many people successful–the drive to prove people wrong (especially if that person is your HUSBAND!).

If you are a leader reading this, realize you are not a failure or alone when you have teammates who never got their business going after you bring them on board. I always took it personally, that it was my personal failure–that *I* could not inspire them in some way. I have one situation that I might talk about some day that REALLY sticks in my craw when it comes to this situation. Truth be told, it still does–another story for another day. The ultimate decision whether they “start a business” or “bought a kit” lies with them. The biggest favor you can do yourself is let it go, and go work with that middle group who wants and NEEDS your time and attention. They STARTED A BUSINESS. Give them your time.

 

Padded Whatie Pants?!?!?! (Originally posted February 18, 2014)

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So, we all have experiences at parties that stay with us for years, and they end up being the funny stories we tell at other parties for years to come. This is one of my all-time favorites. After this party, I got so self-conscious, I never let anyone sit behind me during my presentation. Everyone had to sit in front of me, or to the side, and if they questioned why, I’d tell them this story….

Many years ago, I had earned the incentive trip to Hawaii with a previous company. In past years, I always cashed out because I was terrified of flying. A really wonderful friend of mine earned the trip for one as well, and wanted me to room with her. With much cajoling, she convinced me with enough drugs and moral support, I could get on the plane and do the trip. I did it, but barely.

So, being the unseasoned traveler that I was, I scheduled a party for the day after my flight left Hawaii, not realizing that there is a BIG time zone difference (yes, I can be an airhead at times!). I literally got home from my trip, had to change clothes, grab my jewelry and go straight to my show. Normally I would have tried to dovetail the party, but it was a starter party, and I don’t do that to new starts–they sign up with me, they get ME for their starter party.

I also got a horrible sunburn in Hawaii. I mean HORRIBLE. To the point that I didn’t wear underwear, because the elastic band on my underwear was pinching my sunburn. So, I went to the party with my black palazzo pants on, a black Spanx tank top, and a black sweater (my old “uniform”).

One thing I used to do during my parties is hand out playing cards when guests participated in the presentation. It was a way to keep their attention, foster some friendly competition for the prize I would hand out to the person with the most cards, and it phased into my “booking game” at the end. I would give cards for anything–if you laughed at my jokes, asked questions, and believe it or not, at some parties, if you just made eye contact (come on, we have all had THOSE nights…).

During the party, when talking about my “why”, I mentioned I started doing this particular business to pay off my $19,000 (yes, NINETEEN THOUSAND DOLLAR) QVC credit card bill. Everyone in the group gasped. They usually did. Yep, someone had the same issue. I liked to blame my husband. He snored something fierce back in those days, before the CPAP machine. And I had to fall asleep to the TV blaring to drown out his snoring. And what else is on at 2 AM? Not much. I became very friendly with QVC, my QVC credit card, and many of their products. You know it’s bad when QVC is on speed dial, and the UPS man comes to your house several times a week with packages.

So, I mentioned the $19,000 QVC credit card bill, and the hostesses sister asked what in the world I could get at QVC for $19,000. I replied, “Oh, many of my clothes, my make up, purses, and…my Spanx.” Truth be told, I bought a TON of jewelry as well, but since I sold jewelry, the last thing I was going to do was turn them onto Judith Ripka jewelry on QVC. I can now say, THAT is what I wore when I was not working. It’s amazing…but I digress.

She then asked what Spanx was. This was many years ago, before Spanx was a household word and used generically for “fat-sucking undergarments”. Spanx was brand new, Oprah had not discovered it, and you pretty much could find it only at Nordstrom’s and QVC.

I pulled out the bottom of my tank top and said, “This is Spanx–it’s great–it sucks in your fat and smooths out your lumps and bumps. It’s like an American Express card…I don’t leave home without it.”

The hostesses sister then replied, “Well, obviously you ain’t wearing no Spanx on the bottom.”

WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

I was not sure I heard her correctly, so I asked her to repeat herself.

“Obviously you ain’t wearing no Spanx on the bottom. No way does a white girl have a booty like that naturally–you got to be wearing padded booty pants.”

I had no idea what she was talking about, but, it didn’t sound nice. I asked her to hold out the cards I had given her…and I took them away! I joked (half-joked…I was tired and basically I think she just said I had a big butt) with her and said, “I don’t know what padded booty pants are, but let me tell you something…I got so sunburned in Hawaii, I have NO PANTS ON. No underpants, no padded booty pants, NOTHING but these,” as I grabbed my black palazzo pants.

Now, I should point out, I was the only white person in this group, and it was a very large party. Right away, they could not understand why I took her cards away. I said, “I am not sure what padded booty pants are, but telling me I have a big butt is not going to make you win any of my prizes. My game, my rules. Rule #1, telling Joyce she has a big butt is rude.”

Everyone started speaking at once, but the general point everyone made was she was complimenting me. They all insisted that in the African-American community, having a big bubble butt like mine is very desired, and I should be flattered. I pointed out that, not sure if anyone noticed, but I am not African American, and we strive to NOT have a butt like mine.

Then a girl from across the room, decided to illustrate the point further. She said, “Listen, I WISH I had a big ole bubble butt like yours! I don’t and have to do this.” She unzipped her pants, reached down the back of her pants, and pulled something out. I AM DEAD SERIOUS. It was a big foam butt-like thing. I quickly learned that it was the “padding” part of her padded booty pants. I have had MANY things happen in my direct-selling career at my parties, many things I can’t even put here, but never have I had someone basically pull a prosthetic butt out of their underpants, and tell me they wear it so they can look more like ME.

I AM NOT KIDDING. Padded booty pants are a real thing, this gal was wearing them, to “look like me”…and I should be flattered.

I gave the hostesses sister her cards back. I mean, at this point, what can I even say back except “thank you”?

And then I went on the Adkins Diet the next day and lost 30 pounds in the next six months. Ironically, no matter how much weight I lose, I still look like I am wearing padded booty pants.

2013–Year in Review (Originally posted on Dec. 31, 1013)

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I have to apologize. It’s been almost a month since I have written.

I’d like to say it’s 100% because I work in direct sales, and you all know that this is our BUSY TIME…gift giving, holiday deadlines, etc. I could write about it and make it sound convincing, since most of you live through that every year.

But, I’d be lying. I haven’t written because this past month has been the one year marker of when a lot of things were changing in my life–a time when a lot of big decisions were being made, and every time I would reflect back on it, I’d get more and more angry.

I’d love to say I have been quiet because I am trying to follow the old adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all…”, but that would be a lie as well. Those of you who know me know I am a huge believer of always being painfully honest, and I never hold back on saying what I think (gee, have you seen my Facebook page?!?).

There is a time and a place to say what’s on my mind, and unfortunately, now is not the time.  I want to see how this whole thing ends up playing itself out. The story is not done.

So, I am going to review 2013 generically, and instead focus on what I learned in little blurbs, and those blurbs will become full posts down the road. There were so many lessons crammed in this year, too many to make a singular post. It would fill a book, literally.

So, I did my last party for the company I was at for almost 9 years the first weekend in January. I cried the whole way there–it was an end of an era, and I could not tell anyone. I have to be honest, my past hostess showed up as I was wiping tears away in the driveway as I arrived, so I did tell her, and she was shocked. Very supportive, but shocked. It felt so strange doing a party, knowing my heart was not in it and I was done. I am a very passionate person, and to go through the motions was not my style at all.

I resigned from that company January 8th, and the storm that hit immediately after was just mind-blowing, to say the least.

All throughout my decision process, I had confided in my “best friends” in that business. One, in fact, was intimately involved in the process, as she “interviewed” with them as well. And all along, we all said repeatedly that a job does not define our friendships. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I am friends with people because I enjoy them, not because of what they can do for me.

I quit. The phone was ringing off the hook so much immediately afterwards that my husband suggest we leave the house for a while, and go out for dinner and drinks, leave the cell phones at home, and ignore them all. It was not going to change my decision, and having people express concern and want to “help” when the time for that was three months earlier when I asked for it and it fell on deaf ears was just adding insult to injury.

It’s funny how much people want to all of a sudden get involved and “help” when their paycheck is affected. I asked for help in September. Not only did I not get it, but the people who I literally called in tears asking for help on the situation that ended up making me leave never even called or followed up to see if the situation was ever rectified.

Again, anyone who knows me knows I am a very black and white person. What is right is right, what is wrong is wrong, and I don’t care how much money is involved. I don’t care if the person who is wronged does one show a year on my team–I’ll go to bat for them if it is warranted–and I have.

All the actions on the night of January 8th showed me I made the right move. It hurt like hell to see it play out, but it was the right move.

On January 9th, I got a call from one of the two gals I considered a great friend and business mentor in some ways. We cried on the phone for a couple hours, and knew nothing would be the same, but still had intended on maintaining some friendship. It meant the world to me that she called to see how I was doing the day after the storm. I’d like to think that was done out of a good place in her heart. Considering she did something that ended up resulting in a lawsuit in this whole mess, I am not sure. But that’s what I would still like to think.

Out of respect for a big event that my former zone was having that weekend, I did not announce what I was doing for my next job–I would do that once their event was done. I figured everyone would gossip about me quitting and the new company I was going to instead of focusing on the training at the event, so I announced nothing. It turns out, that didn’t matter. They all gossiped anyways.

I announced on the morning of January 14th that I was doing this new business. I was served legal papers at 4:30 that same day. People asked me all throughout the year “what I did” to get sued. Well, do the math. I had NO non-compete. Had not recruited one person yet. ZERO. And was served papers 8 hours later that gave me until 9 AM on January 16th (MY BIRTHDAY, thanks, and happy birthday to me!) to “cease and desist.”

So, at 8:50 AM on my birthday, I responded I was not going to NOT WORK. And I WAS going to honor my manager agreement. That should be the end of the story. It was not.

The next five months were a blur of legal papers, lies, and things that had someone told me would happen, I would never had believed it. Some days I sat in my office and laughed, some days I cried. I laughed about the really pathetic email communications going out, demonizing me…telling everyone they were required to “unfriend me” and have no contact with me. I laughed because this actually was a better recruiting tool than anything I had in my arsenal. People who never really knew me were all of a sudden messaging me, asking what the big fuss was about, and asking me for information about joining my new team. As long as they were not in my former upline or downline, they could join my team…and did.

I cried when I learned who my real friends were. They certainly were not the people I thought they were. That was the toughest lesson of the year. When push comes to shove, and dollars are involved, people will carry whatever water they are told to carry, regardless of the truth. That was tough for me–because I am not like that at all. Of course, unlike a lot of these other ladies, I have a husband who is actually the breadwinner, and I can stick to my morals and beliefs at all times and not worry about it affecting my ability to put food on the table or a roof over my kids head. I actually would try to rationalize their behavior when talking to my husband about it, and tell him I “understood” why they had to do what they did–not that I agree with it, but I “get” it. He always disagreed with me and said I was just making excuses for them, but I have come to realize that not everyone is like me, and some people won’t rock a boat regardless of what they believe to be right or wrong. I always will. Some people don’t like to stand out. I always have been the black sheep, so I don’t care. I embrace it.

Fast forward to this fall. New catalog. AMAZING pieces. For me, 46 parties on the books from September 11th thru October 31st.  And 10 days into a launch, your company is shut down.

JUST

LIKE

THAT.

Everyone has their theories on what happened. And I can tell most of you that you are wrong. Did I ever get looked in the eye and told specifically what happened? No. But I am the most persistent  person you will ever meet, and it took actually minimal legwork to connect some obvious dots. I can tell you that I was told repeatedly that money was never an object in this. And I believe that.

BAM. Hundreds of women out of work.

What really bothered me the most was there were a lot of women in Canada at this company before *I* came on board. And it killed me for them to get caught up in this and lose their jobs. That just was not right, and still pains me. Really GOOD WOMEN. They did not deserve to be a casualty in some big chess game.

Another lesson I learned…and I have a LOT of anger about this one. A LOT. I am not going to lie. At some point, mid-summer, I was feeling a little bothered about how some things were being handled (or NOT handled) at my company. At the same time, I was talking to a couple REALLY BIG NAMES at my former company. Had they left, a big organization would have tumbled–they were key managers and without them, top people did not have their required levels under them. As much as (after everything that happened January-May) I would have liked to see that happen, I had to stop encouraging anyone from quitting a big job, and making a move to join me…not until I felt 100% confident things were being handled in a way I felt was proper.

I learned this is not about RECRUITING. It’s about affecting people’s lives on SO MANY LEVELS. You don’t just willy-nilly encourage someone to join YOU to bump up your worth, if you know the house you are residing in is not up to par at that time. Not if you have ethics and morals. There is a John Mellencamp line in a song that always stuck with me, “The beds are made, but there’s no sheets on.”

You do not invite people to sleep over if there are no sheets on, so to speak.

There were so many people I was talking to in the last couple months, and I kept telling them to wait for the new catalog, new starter kit. In reality, I was waiting to see if the sheets were going to be put on the beds. *I* can put my head down every night with a clear conscience that I did not bring someone in when I was not comfortable with things, with the sole purpose of bumping my worth up. I wish everyone would have applied that to their recruiting/hiring. That makes me incredibly mad/sad. I find it unconscionable to fly a bunch of women up from another company, roll out the red carpet, have them come on board, and pull that rug out from under them a month later. These women have kids to feed. They have tuitions to pay. You do not mess with people like that. Well, maybe you do, but in the long run, it will bite you in the butt, and I think I see that happening now.

So, 2013 sucked in so many ways. I got to see a side of this business that is revolting. I got to see behind the curtain and see how the Wizard actually operates, and it was so disappointing. It’s not the roses, sunshine, unicorns and u-rah-rah stuff we all see at conferences. This is a big BUSINESS. It’s not a sisterhood (don’t let anyone lie to you about that). It’s not a “family”–unless you share DNA, you are NOT part of their family.

On an up note, now that I have seen all of this, and had so much of it happen to me personally, I approach my business much differently. I have to. I am a firm believer that it is okay to make a mistake, as long as you learn from it. Was it a mistake to leave my former employer? NO. I needed to. Was it a mistake to join that other company? No, I was so involved, I got to learn a lot of things that most women never get the chance to learn.

I did learn this year what ACTUALLY MATTERS.

I have the MOST AMAZING hostesses/customers/friends who have followed me to THREE businesses in one year. THREE! Most women can’t get people to have parties with them with ONE COMPANY. I am blessed with some incredibly cool women in my life.

I have the most amazing husband and son who know this year was awful, but they always tried to do their pep talks, always were supportive and  always were there.

I have my health–when I have three friends going through chemo right now, that really puts it in perspective.

And I still have a great job that I really enjoy. I love going into people’s houses and meeting new friends. There is not a week that doesn’t go by where I don’t meet at least one new person who I genuinely enjoy and cultivate a new friendship with.

So, onward and upward. 2013 was full of life lessons. 2014 is the year to apply them all.

 

Happy New Year!

In Honor of My Party Today… (Originally posted on Dec. 1, 2013)

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So, several weeks ago, I posted about not being judgmental, and how hard that is.

Well, today, I head off to a party for one of my favorite hostesses/colleagues/friends, named Amy.

Now, if on Sunday, April 1st, 2012 (IRONICALLY, April Fools Day!), you would have asked me if almost two years later, I’d still be working with Amy, much less be good friends with her, I would have laughed and said probably not.

I met Amy very briefly at another party, for a lady named Judy. Amy ran in on her way to work (or school, I don’t recall) said she wanted to book a party, set a date, and ran out. I never really bonded with her.

Now, I have to tell you, I do NOT do much hostess coaching–that is another topic for another day. I do it mostly via postcards, emails and  Facebook messages, so there is not a lot of relationship-building at the point (GASP!).  So, when I don’t get to talk to someone at the party they book at, I really do not get to know them at all or even bond with them. And, if I recall, Amy was not even on Facebook at the time. So, it was just a random email here and there, and she was very busy, so they were extremely hit or miss.

I showed up at her apartment that Sunday, and her mom answered the door. BECAUSE AMY WAS PASSED OUT ON THE COUCH. Literally. She got up once to either throw up or pee…don’t recall what one, but I think she said three words to me, and passed out on the couch again. Her mom did say something about her being out too late and drinking, and Amy did argue with her on the way back to the couch and said NO, that was not the issue. Her mom did not seem to buy that, and we literally did the party around Amy, on the couch.

She had a full house that day. And a GREAT party! It was above average, with several bookings, and started some chains with some of my favorites hostesses who I still work with this to this day! In fact, one of the hostesses spawned from that chain just had the biggest party I have had so far with my new company. So, it was a great day, despite the lack of Amy and her participation.

I did have to stop my presentation at one point. Since there was good turnout and the couch was needed, Amy was laying with her head on a friend’s lap. At one point,  Amy started gagging so hard, I had to encourage the friend to PLEASE help her get up and get to the bathroom.

The funny thing was Amy had a giant poodle that was gated off from the rest of the party, and kept jumping the gate, and everyone thought the dog was the big distraction. Um, no, I’ll take a giant dog any day of the week over a passed out hostess!

Fast forward seven months. I was at the SECOND PARTY that one of the hostesses from that party had had with me, and in walked Amy…EIGHT AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT.  No, she was not hung over and passed out at her party…she was pregnant, didn’t know it and pretty sick. She told me she KNEW it was not a hangover that day, we laughed, and she booked another party for several months later, for after the baby was born.

In the meantime, she started selling for another company (I never recruited her because we never bonded because she was “passed out” at her party–MY BAD), and she does AMAZING for them. My bad, my loss.

Nonetheless, I am still a winner, because even better, Amy and I are now friends. And I am off to see her and do another party with her.

***This originally posted on Dec. 1, 2013.  Now Amy has TWO adorable sons, and is STILL a great friend of mine, and has another party coming up in less than six week.

Where it all began…

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In the past two years, I have experienced the highest of the highs (finishing #1 at the company I was at), and the lowest of the lows (being told, with no warning, that the company I put my  heart and soul into for the past 8 months was abruptly closing their doors and ending everyone’s business IMMEDIATELY.)

All through this journey, there have been many laughs, many tears, many successes, and many failures.

I figured it was time to share some of these stories, since over 15 MILLION people are involved in the direct sales industry in the US alone. It’s not just your crazy Aunt Millie, who has sold Amway, Tupperware, Mary Kay, and every other company you can think of. It’s your neighbor, your best friend, your kid’s teacher, your gyno nurse…

I am starting a new journey myself in two days, and invite you all to follow along.

 

I AM BACK!!!

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So, I have been gone for about six months. Not because I didn’t have anything to say–that NEVER happens. It was because my site was hacked…and if you clicked far enough into the links. you would come up to Russian porn. Now, I personally like German dungeon porn…so I was not thrilled. (I AM KIDDING…kind of.)

Anyways, after MONTHS of dinking around with the company that hosted my web site (A Small Orange) and getting the worse runaround ever…an executive decision was made to basically start ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL over. New name…new EVERYTHING.

So, I will be re-loading all my old blogs on. And laughing at some of the things I said–namely how two years ago, I said if you do Facebook parties, you are lazy. Hello, Miss “I do 95% of my parties on Facebook” Foy.

So, stay tuned. Enjoy my oldies, and look forward to my new insight into this crazy world of direct sales.